I'd Like To Thank All The Little People...

March 12, Week 2, Day 12

The Following is brought to you by Chapters 8-12:

Scene:  Julie walks into a well-appointed corner office.  Mrs. Q, her interviewer du jour, sits behind her tidy desk.

Mrs. Q:  Thanks so much for coming, Julie.  Please make yourself comfortable.

Julie: (moving behind the desk and snuggling into Mrs. Q’s lap) Thank you Mrs. Q.  My, what a lovely office you have.  I can see why you placed that oil painting just beside your floor lamp.  It really sets off the beige tones in the beach scene!

[Principle 8- Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.]

Mrs. Q: (flustered, but flattered, she gently nudges Julie off her lap) Um, thank you.  I got that in the Hamptons.  Perhaps you’d be more comfortable on the other side of the desk?  So I can see you better?  I was very impressed with your resume, and the eloquence of your cover letter.  I’d like to hear more about your qualifications.

Julie: Gosh, Mrs. Q, your request really shows me that you are serious about your job, and have an insatiable desire to learn.  Boy do I know what that’s like.  I can hardly think of a question in my mind before I’m poring over US Weekly for the answer!  You must really want to know why you should hire me. 

[Principle 9- Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.]

Mrs. Q:  Well, yes, that is why I’ve asked you here today.  Perhaps you wouldn’t mind sharing what positive contributions you feel you could make to our organization?

Julie:  Oh, Mrs. Q., ask not what I can do for your organization, but what your organization can do for me!  Aren’t all mission-driven organizations primarily motivated to improve the lives of others?  And who better to benefit from your compassion than an unemployed waif like myself?  I’m sure you can’t wait to tell me about my benefits package, am I right?

[Principle 10- Appeal to the nobler motives.]

Mrs. Q:  Actually, we typically don’t get into that until the end of the interview, after we’ve gotten through questions about qualifications and work history.

Julie:  Work history?  Well, why didn’t you say so, my dear Mrs. Q.  (Julie rises from her chair, does a couple of limbering exercises, and some vocal warm-ups).  If you’ll indulge me, I’d like to share with you a short monologue from one of my favorite plays by a certain drunken rogue by the name of Tennessee Williams, “A Streetcar Named Desire”.    I feel it really captures the tragedy and triumph of my professional trajectory.  Would you mind playing Stella?  I’ll only need to backhand you once, and then you can just sit back and enjoy the show!  (Julie cracks her knuckles, peels down to a stained tank top, and pulls a half-empty bottle of bourbon from her shoulder bag.)

[Principle 11- Dramatize your ideas.]

Mrs. Q:  Ah, perhaps we could save that one for the second interview?  Now perhaps you can tell me more about what you feel your particular strengths and weaknesses are as they relate to this position, and how you might work with those here?

Julie:  Quite happily, milady.  Only a fool doesn’t know that an employee is only as strong as their weakest weaknesses, n’est pas.  Case in point.  I have a very strong lower body, but a chronic weakness in my wrists.  This makes me a good soccer player, but an inconsistent tennis player.  (Julie pulls something from her bag)  That’s why I carry around this tennis ball.  I squeeze it to strengthen the muscles of my wrists and hands, thereby transforming my weakness into a strength.  Enough said.  As far as my lower body goes, we’ll have to step outside for a couple of suicide drills, although from the looks of those little bird gams, I’m guessing that’s not your strength, eh Q?  Never mind, I’m sure you played a mean oboe with the rest of the band geeks.  Follow me please.  Loser hires winner.

Mrs. Q, looking somewhat stunned, numbly rises from her chair and follows Julie out the door.  Julie stops by the water cooler and takes a long drink from the spout, face dripping as she continues out the front door, Mrs. Q on her heels.

[Principle 12- Throw down a challenge]

The End

*I must admit I felt a little cocky after this run-through, but I realize that it is a bit unrealistic.  Hardly anyone’s last name begins with “Q”.