Yogi Tea; 1, Dale Carnegie; 0

March 7, Week 1, Day 7

*Note: Due to what I am discovering to be some lightweight length and content in the chapters of Part 2, I have combined Chapters 3 & 4 in order to ensure that I will be at the end of the book by the end of the week. Also, if I had to eke pith once again from anything as inspirationally barren as the “Smile” chapter, I might be tempted to abandon the enterprise altogether. I embrace the beauty of simplicity in my life, my diet, and my pleasures, but in the name of all that’s holy, I’ve got too much riding on this week to practice my best “hire me” smiles and looks of sincere interest in the bathroom mirror.

Actually, the experience of reading this book reminds me of watching Hitchcock’s classic, Psycho, for film class.  Our prescient teacher prepared us by saying that we may not find it particularly gruesome or haunting compared to, say, The Blair Witch Project, but this film was the first of its kind, and defined the horror genre for future generations.  I was very grateful to her for that perspective, and it really helped me appreciate Psycho’s brilliance and enduring appeal.  I wish Professor Dalton had been on hand when I pulled How To Win Friends And Influence People off the shelf.   Carnegie’s advice may not be breaking news, especially not to a closet connoisseur of the self-help genre such as myself, but he paved the way for the helpful how-to’s that I have been secretly feasting on since I learned that there were a mere seven spiritual laws of success, and a kindly doctor by the name of Chopra would share them with me for a mere sixteen dollars.  I will try to remind myself of Carnegie’s pioneer status when the impulse to roll my eyes arises. 

With that said, I braced myself for an inevitable rise and rapid fall of hope that the next chapter might yield the precious gem of insight I’ve been yearning for.  A week ago, I would have read the title of Part 2, Chapter 3 with breathless anticipation (“If You Don’t Do This, You Are Headed for Trouble”), but old Dale’s hooked me with that old chestnut one time too many.  The advice itself, to remember someone’s name and use it in your interactions with them, is sound, but again, not quite the Hammurabi’s Code to Human Resources I was hoping for.  Not that I don’t need any help in this area, though not because I can’t be bothered to remember the information.  Actually, I get so absorbed in the unique topography of each face; the adorable cleft chin, the incipient mono-brow, that I frequently miss the name altogether.  Carnegie recommends repeating the name as soon as you hear it, and associating it with other details about the person, like features, expressions and general appearance (e.g. “Howard Howard Howard studies herpetology and smells like brisket.”) 

I find this useful, and will dutifully tuck it into my invisible toolbox.  The actual wording of Principle 3 takes a bit of the sheen off of my tentative appreciation for Carnegie’s latest offering.  It reads thusly:  “Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.”  Needless to say, I hope to God that this is not true of me, nor would I wish to work for anyone for whom it resonates.  Sorry, Dale, you lost me there.  I wonder if Masaru Emoto, the guy that changed the crystalline composition of water by pasting words like “Love” and “Peace” onto drinking glasses, is aware that “Phyllis” and “Dwayne” would have proven more expedient?

Almost as though sensing my evolving resistance to his sensational chapter titling, Carnegie’s pitch for the content of Chapter 4, “An Easy Way To Become A Good Conversationalist”, is much softer.  The lead-in happens to be one that I not only agree with, but also experience as true on a daily basis.  People will tend to think of you as a brilliant conversationalist if you ask lots of thoughtful questions and spend most of the exchange in listening mode.  It’s pretty right on, and is actually the role I prefer to assume in most interactions, being pathologically curious and always on the lookout for the next learning opportunity.  It can get tricky when I forget that I can reasonably expect close friends and loved ones to return the favor, and if they don’t, I may want to re-evaluate our connection.  This excludes young children, of course.  I would never expect my three year-old niece Kate to listen to an exhaustive analysis of my romantic liaisons, though she does help me pick out some killer date outfits.

I need little convincing of the importance of this content, so I won’t drive it into the ground.  I’ll just skip to the part where he loses me again.  Utterly.  The chapter winds down with a couple of empirically stated assessments that highlight the perspective I have been struggling with from the beginning. To give you, the reader, an opportunity to experience your own reaction to Carnegie’s words, I will avoid the paraphrase.  Quote #1:  “Remember that the people you are talking to are a hundred times more interested in themselves and their wants and problems than they are in your problems.”  Quote #2:  “A person’s toothache means more to that person than a famine in China which kills a million people… Think of that the next time you start a conversation.”  Well, if I thought of that, I’m not sure I could muster the desire to get out of bed in the morning, never mind strike up a sincerely appreciative and interested conversation over cocktail wieners.  This just isn’t the world I live in, and I like it that way. 

In setting the bar so low for humanity, I’m not sure Dale’s doing us any favors.  Unless, of course, he’s simply referring to Maslow’s Hierarchy and the concept that it is essential to meet our basic needs for safety and security before we can aspire to the heights of personal development.  What it feels like, though, is a suggestion that our exposure to his vital knowledge somehow elevates us to a realm beyond Homo sapiens sapiens, letting us in on the joke so that we can manipulate the vanity of others.  To be honest, I feel like I got more today out of the tag on my bag of Yogi Tea.  “Be selfless, and you will be infinite.”  Yep, I think I’ll take that one.